NEWSFLASH– The Redskins are not a good team. Does anyone even remember the first half of last season? Not too good huh? Yeah, they went on a tear down the stretch and made it into the playoffs, but the first half was some ugly ass football. And that’s what we were treated to last night.
Being a DC sports fan is not easy. We put up with so much shit. The last time one of the major teams won a championship I was in diapers. Not only that, but many teams in our divisions have won more recently, making the pain even worse. Plus, those fans are either some mouthbreathers from Philly (the Phillies not the Eagles because LOLEagles) Affliction shirt wearing douchetards from Dallas, or some sweaty guido from New York, which makes it infinitely worse. But here’s the thing about last night’s game; I’m not that upset. Here’s why.
That was basically Griffin’s first preseason game. It’s gonna take him awhile to get back to game speed.
The secondary looks terrible. We all knew that was coming. By the way, DIE DEANGELO HALL DIE.
They only lost by six to a team who we basically have no game tape on. Remember the Fun n’ Gun offense? Exactly.
Dude, relax. It’s the Redskins.
The Ravens lost by 22. We can still laugh at those shit-sippers.
I know I’m going to be the only one saying this (These are the weeks I avoid sports radio. For 2 hours they will be discussing trading Griffin on Lavar & Dukes today, I guarantee it) but everyone PLEASE try to keep a level head. We’re DC sports fans. It’s been, and will definitely be (Hey, remember the Nats?) worse.
As a Caps fan, you’ve become as accustomed to the familiar cast of core characters, i.e. Ovechkin, Green, Backstrom, as you have to utter disappointment come playoff time. Although many will agree that these players are the core of the team, I’d like to throw out several names of the not so distant past, the players I consider, in no particular order, THE TOP 5 CAPITALS PLAYERS LOST IN THE LAST 5 YEARS.
– Sergei Fedorov
Disagree if you want but Sergei on this list for one reason, and one reason only in my eyes; LEADERSHIP.
Up until the 2009-10 season when Alexander Ovechkin was named “CAPTAIN”, I wouldn’t call the alumni of the past decade a roaring success. Let’s take a look back…
2006-09: Chris Clark- Okay, Clark was a decent captain. He led by example… at least in terms of being devoted to the game and his team, but I have to question the chemistry he had with the younger players on the team.
2005-06: Jeff Halpern- … exactly.
2001-03: Steve Konowalchuk- Along with a lil Brendan Witt tossed in for a little less than a year, I just wasn’t sold on the idea of Konowalchuk being the leader of the team. Aside from the fact that in the 2001-02 season, he only played 28 games, he never topped 25 goals in a season in his entire NHL career. I know that being a captain isn’t about the numbers you put up, but again, much like Clark, I have to really wonder what his chemistry was like with the rest of the team. The only reason I would ever put a “C” on his chest… he did play two years for the Baltimore Skipjacks.
So here we have the 2009-2010 Washington Capitals. After the recent acquisition of Jason Chimera, we lost both our captain, Chris Clark, and that freaking Slovakian giant, Milan Jurcina. So we’re left with a 24 year old Russian kid with the leadership skills of a potato at the helm of our beloved team.
But wait?! WHAT’S THAT?! A 39 year old Russian with bad shoulders?! SOLD!
However, this isn’t your every day 39 year old Russian with bad shoulders, this is three time Stanley Cup champion, six time all-star, Sergei Fedorov. This man’s laundry list of awards and achievements surpasses the cumulative number of shirts, pants, socks and underwear that I have on my ACTUAL laundry list. Sure, he only scored 11 of his career 1,179 NHL goals his first season with the team, but dammit, these guys respected him; especially the ones that needed it the most, the core of the goal scoring this season, namely, Alex Ovechkin, Alex Semin, and Viktor Kozlov. On top of this, he carried the team to their second Southeast Division title in as many years as well as 14 games deep into the Eastern Conference playoffs.
I feel like I had to have given enough reason for a few of you in doubt to at least PRETEND I have a point.
D.C. is a city well known for its “colorful” athletes. Not only did we have one of the most interesting NFL players of all time (CRANK UP DAT DIESEL), but most of the other sports in town have contributed to the crazy train that is “Chocolate City” sports. While this is definitely not an all-time list, I think this captures the breadth of lunacy we are lucky enough to experience.
1. The Southeast Jeromes We could probably do a list solely based on Clinton Portis’ mad ravings. His colorful cast of characters almost made up for the Dark Ages of Vinny Cerrato. Actually, “The Kindergarten Ninjas” would make a good name, although only hardcore Redskins fans would get that. And then puke all over their keyboards in pure hatred.
2. Colt Brennan All-Stars Okay, so this one is a little high concept. First off, I was one of the dedicated “Cult of Colt” guys. His jersey still hangs in my closet, ready to dust off when he rides back into the NFL scene on a surfboard and takes some team to the Super Bowl, calling audibles in Samoan. This team would have to consist of backup players everyone clamors for. Tim Tebow would be a perfect fit, if some team was stupid enough to pick up that weirdo.
3. Mark Moseley’s Hair Dryers I mean, look at the dude. Can you IMAGINE what the Internet would do to good ol’ Moseley?
4. The Joe Beni-naughtys (taken with love from RMNB) That is one silver-tongued midget devil huh? I can’t tell you how excited I get when I hear Joe B calling a lacrosse game on ESPN43 in the offseason. Then I realize it is lacrosse, and try not to laugh at the HARDCORE BROS WITH THEIR SWEET FLO!!!1!!!
Sidebar: Did you know Joe B still holds the records for saves by a goalie at Bowdoin College? Someone get me a Bowdoin “Beninati” jersey ASAP.
5. Okra Patch Runners Because Fred Smoot is just the best. I wish someone would put him on the FOX pregame show. If you don’t know what this reference is, I can’t tell you; this is a family(-ish) blog.
Runners up: Smack Em Yack Em’s, Tanahan’s Bronzers™, Fat Rex Grossmans, Steinberg’s Cheeseheads (That’s a thinker!), Ole Whiskeys
The logo of a team can range from the simple to the extravagant. A team could be represented best by a single, stylized letter; or even possibly by AN ANTHROPROMORPHIZED BISCUIT WITH A PAD OF BUTTER FOR IT’S TONGUE.
None the less, and in no particular order, these are our picks for the top 10 all time best minor league sports logos.
– Southern Maryland Blue Crabs
Being a proud Maryland boy has taught me several things in my life; Turtles become much more intimidating when called a Terrapin, Pennsylvania sports are just terrible, and above all else, crabs are simply a way of life. So what’s no to love about a baseball team (terrible or not) which just happens to be from my home state, which just happens to be in Ronnie’s back yard, and predominately features my personal favorite decapod crustacean in the world? Absolutely nothing!
– Victoria Salmon Kings
Although this team was only around in the ECHL for about seven years, I have to think that it’s undeniably original logo had to have left it’s mark on some people. I mean, come on, it’s a fish wearing a crown; a crown that states on it, in capital letters that this is indeed a salmon wearing it, and that it is indeed a king. Personally, I don’t think you can go wrong with putting a hat on a fish, it’s just common knowledge.
– Manitoba Moose
Really, I don’t have too much to say about this one. For some reason, it’s always just been a personal favorite of mine ever since I was a kid. The colors are just right and the moose itself is in enough detail to tell it’s pretty ticked off about something while still staying feasible to be put on a jersey.
To be completely honest with you, a greatly contributing factor for me picking this logo is the fact that Julie the Cat Gaffney wore a Moose jersey in D3.
*edit (It has been brought to my attention she actually wore a Minnesota Moose jersey. A moose is a moose.)
– Bradenton Marauders
To emphasize my point that a logo could either simple or complex, yet still be great, I give to you the Bradenton Marauders. Their primary logo features the team name in, what I think, is a beautiful font, while marauder himself fills it out and giving it an interesting overall shape. The secondary logo is merely a stylized B, which is commonly featured on their hats. While this B looks good itself, another reason why I find it to be such a great logo is that in it’s shape and color scheme, it is a great illusion to their MLB affiliate, the Pittsburgh Pirates.
– Schaumburg Boomers
What exactly is a Boomer, you may ask? Yea, I asked that too, so I looked it up. A Boomer is the nickname for Greater Prairie Chicken, duh. So what does Schaumburg, Illinois have to do with the Greater Prairie Chicken? Well apparently at one time a lot of them roamed the area. Not so much now though, as they’re inching closer and closer to becoming endangered. So not only is this a great logo, but it’s also a beautiful homage to the bold, the wonderful… Greater Prairie Chicken.
– Montgomery Biscuits
Do I really need to describe what makes this logo so great? It’s a goddamn biscuit with legs. Imagine telling people you played for “the Biscuits”. You’d score so many women. Plus his tongue…is butter. Paula Deen should buy the team.
– Myrtle Beach Pelicans
I’m a sucker for nautical themed logos. I like how the pelican is looking over its shoulder, and the dock line framing the whole thing. The waves and the moon almost push it over the edge, but I think the colors really make it acceptable.
– Denver Cutthroats
Again with the nautical theme! I had no idea a cutthroat was a fish, but I’ve never done much freshwater fishing. Apparently it’s some sort of trout. I don’t know exactly WHY I like this logo, but it just seems awesome. It’s straightforward, which I appreciate. I appreciate simplicity. I guess that says a lot about me.
– Bradenton Juice
I like logos that reference local industries. It’s probably pandering at its best, but it adds a nice touch to a team identity. The orange looks almost TOO happy, but it is just friendly enough not to scare the shit out of the kids.
– Carolina Mudcats
My favorite minor league logo of all time. I like how the fish is coming out of the C. The whole logo just has the perfect amount of space to it. The tail sticking out the back gives it the ultimate edge. Plus the name. MUDCATS HOOOOOOOOOO!
1-5 Mike, 6-10 Ronnie
*edit (it was actually Connie Moreau wearing the Minnesota Moose jersey, not Julie. Props to Vitacavage!)
Well, this is it. This is technically our second attempt at a blog. The first one went up in smoke after like a week due to our CRIPPLING LAZINESS. So here we are, a year later, slightly less lazy, trying our best to keep our digital heads above the water. You’re probably asking yourself, “what’s this blog business all about Mister?” First off, it’s Captain. Secondly, we’re not reaaaall 100% sure yet. We’re gonna try to focus on the things we love. DC sports, movies, TV, reoccurring columns on stupid shit, and all random musings. So, buckle up, you’re in for a ride.
Magic Mike’s got a bitchin’ series about the Capitals he’s gonna start putting up this week, and I’m currently working on an album review from one of my favorite bands. In the meantime, enjoy the Week 1 of the NFL. That’s what we’ll be doing
we’re sorry that we haven’t gotten anything up yet, but it’s not due to lack of work. Currently we’re working on about 6 articles that should be up in a day or two. So please, check back frequently.
In the mean time, please check out our friends over at Mr. Irrelevant, which includes an article of Ronnie’s on the best DC related fantasy football names. Also, feel free to hit us up with comments or emails, suggesting things you would like us to research or topics you would like us to cover in articles.