Redskins/Packers Recap: Adventures in Broken Tackles

Mike-Tanahan

Remember how last week I said I wasn’t panicking? Well, throw that shit RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. Some quick notes.

–        Who would you say was the best defender on Sunday? My vote would have to go to the touchdown pylon. A orange, possibly foam, rectangle played better defense than millionaire athletes we trot out there every Sunday. Dan Snyder just signed that pylon to a 6 year, 120 million dollar deal.

–        Remember when Pierre Garcon said this was the most explosive offense of all time? The only thing that exploded on Sunday was my blood pressure.

–        Hey, fantasy “experts”? Thanks for the advice on Fred Davis. He really has become a true playmaker this year (SHIT TONS O’ SARCASM). Chris Cooley and Jerry Smith he is not.

–        A few years ago there was a rumor that Lebron James wanted to switch to football and play tight end because duh. So it turns out Kevin Durant is a big Redskins fan. MAKE HIM TIGHT END NOW.

–        See ya never Brandon Merriweather.

–        The only thing that sucked more than the Redskins on Sunday was the announcing tandem. I despise Joe Buck. The dude just can’t announce. And don’t get me started on Troy “Lavar Arrington’s Bitch” Aikman. He is the least impartial announcer for sports. He picks on the Redskins no matter how well they were doing. Ugly piece of shit too.

Honestly though, I think the worst part of the game was just the feeling of all the air being let out of the season. I came into this season with high hopes (like I do every year, because I am a goddamn moron). Watching this team play is just depressing. The offense is dreadful. The defense couldn’t tackle a blind quadriplegic. But most of all the games are BORING. Where is the exciting team from last year? I suspect this all falls back on the RGKnee, but it’s hard to place all the blame on him. Depressingly people were calling for Cousins post-game. Like, a shit ton o’ people.  But they all are wrong.

Put in Colt Brennan.

– Ronnie Yates

Redskins/Eagles Recap: I Feel Like We’ve Been Here Before…

NEWSFLASH– The Redskins are not a good team. Does anyone even remember the first half of last season? Not too good huh? Yeah, they went on a tear down the stretch and made it into the playoffs, but the first half was some ugly ass football. And that’s what we were treated to last night.

griffith

Being a DC sports fan is not easy. We put up with so much shit. The last time one of the major teams won a championship I was in diapers. Not only that, but many teams in our divisions have won more recently, making the pain even worse. Plus, those fans are either some mouthbreathers from Philly (the Phillies not the Eagles because LOLEagles) Affliction shirt wearing douchetards from Dallas, or some sweaty guido from New York, which makes it infinitely worse. But here’s the thing about last night’s game; I’m not that upset. Here’s why.

  1. That was basically Griffin’s first preseason game. It’s gonna take him awhile to get back to game speed.
  2. The secondary looks terrible. We all knew that was coming. By the way, DIE DEANGELO HALL DIE.
  3. They only lost by six to a team who we basically have no game tape on. Remember the Fun n’ Gun offense? Exactly.
  4.  Dude, relax. It’s the Redskins.
  5. The Ravens lost by 22. We can still laugh at those shit-sippers.

I know I’m going to be the only one saying this (These are the weeks I avoid sports radio. For 2 hours they will be discussing trading Griffin on Lavar & Dukes today, I guarantee it) but everyone PLEASE try to keep a level head. We’re DC sports fans. It’s been, and will definitely be (Hey, remember the Nats?) worse.

– Ronnie Yates