D.C. is a city well known for its “colorful” athletes. Not only did we have one of the most interesting NFL players of all time (CRANK UP DAT DIESEL), but most of the other sports in town have contributed to the crazy train that is “Chocolate City” sports. While this is definitely not an all-time list, I think this captures the breadth of lunacy we are lucky enough to experience.
1. The Southeast Jeromes We could probably do a list solely based on Clinton Portis’ mad ravings. His colorful cast of characters almost made up for the Dark Ages of Vinny Cerrato. Actually, “The Kindergarten Ninjas” would make a good name, although only hardcore Redskins fans would get that. And then puke all over their keyboards in pure hatred.
2. Colt Brennan All-Stars Okay, so this one is a little high concept. First off, I was one of the dedicated “Cult of Colt” guys. His jersey still hangs in my closet, ready to dust off when he rides back into the NFL scene on a surfboard and takes some team to the Super Bowl, calling audibles in Samoan. This team would have to consist of backup players everyone clamors for. Tim Tebow would be a perfect fit, if some team was stupid enough to pick up that weirdo.
3. Mark Moseley’s Hair Dryers I mean, look at the dude. Can you IMAGINE what the Internet would do to good ol’ Moseley?
4. The Joe Beni-naughtys (taken with love from RMNB) That is one silver-tongued midget devil huh? I can’t tell you how excited I get when I hear Joe B calling a lacrosse game on ESPN43 in the offseason. Then I realize it is lacrosse, and try not to laugh at the HARDCORE BROS WITH THEIR SWEET FLO!!!1!!!
Sidebar: Did you know Joe B still holds the records for saves by a goalie at Bowdoin College? Someone get me a Bowdoin “Beninati” jersey ASAP.
5. Okra Patch Runners Because Fred Smoot is just the best. I wish someone would put him on the FOX pregame show. If you don’t know what this reference is, I can’t tell you; this is a family(-ish) blog.
Runners up: Smack Em Yack Em’s, Tanahan’s Bronzers™, Fat Rex Grossmans, Steinberg’s Cheeseheads (That’s a thinker!), Ole Whiskeys
– Ronnie Yates