Redskins/Packers Recap: Adventures in Broken Tackles

Mike-Tanahan

Remember how last week I said I wasn’t panicking? Well, throw that shit RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. Some quick notes.

–        Who would you say was the best defender on Sunday? My vote would have to go to the touchdown pylon. A orange, possibly foam, rectangle played better defense than millionaire athletes we trot out there every Sunday. Dan Snyder just signed that pylon to a 6 year, 120 million dollar deal.

–        Remember when Pierre Garcon said this was the most explosive offense of all time? The only thing that exploded on Sunday was my blood pressure.

–        Hey, fantasy “experts”? Thanks for the advice on Fred Davis. He really has become a true playmaker this year (SHIT TONS O’ SARCASM). Chris Cooley and Jerry Smith he is not.

–        A few years ago there was a rumor that Lebron James wanted to switch to football and play tight end because duh. So it turns out Kevin Durant is a big Redskins fan. MAKE HIM TIGHT END NOW.

–        See ya never Brandon Merriweather.

–        The only thing that sucked more than the Redskins on Sunday was the announcing tandem. I despise Joe Buck. The dude just can’t announce. And don’t get me started on Troy “Lavar Arrington’s Bitch” Aikman. He is the least impartial announcer for sports. He picks on the Redskins no matter how well they were doing. Ugly piece of shit too.

Honestly though, I think the worst part of the game was just the feeling of all the air being let out of the season. I came into this season with high hopes (like I do every year, because I am a goddamn moron). Watching this team play is just depressing. The offense is dreadful. The defense couldn’t tackle a blind quadriplegic. But most of all the games are BORING. Where is the exciting team from last year? I suspect this all falls back on the RGKnee, but it’s hard to place all the blame on him. Depressingly people were calling for Cousins post-game. Like, a shit ton o’ people.  But they all are wrong.

Put in Colt Brennan.

– Ronnie Yates

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